A repost from this old piece I did for KokoandAirec: https://kokoandairec.wordpress.com/2015/07/08/finger-blasting-its-such-an-american-term/

By Airec Sype.

(NSFW Content Ahead)

Finger Blasting (verb) – The act of inserting one’s finger(s) repeatedly, with vigorous force, into another person or their vagina or anus.

“Bob is a little pissed that I finger-blasted his ex-girlfriend last night at the movies.”

Now that we got the technical terms out-of-the-way, let’s talk about finger blasting. For those who are not used to vulgar and crude humor (or were not in the Greek system in college), the term ‘finger blasting’ may be a foreign or familiar concept. This is not the case for me; every time I say it, I cannot help but giggle at the sheer silliness of the 14 letters that compose such an act.

My friend Heaven (yes, that’s her real name and not her stage name) did not believe me that this word -this word that made her cringe at a bar during Taco Tuesday- was valid. She thought my fraternity and I had made it up until I showed her proof. I don’t know if the idea or culture of ‘finger blasting’ came from the ancient Greeks themselves or from the early frat houses of young America, but it’s currently sweeping the Nation with giggles and disgust! Here is the ever-so-reliable Urban Dictionary providing the evidence of finger blasting!

Now the reason why I’m so juiced up on this rediscovered word is because I realized how American the term ‘finger blasting’ is. This realization came when I was trading hook-up terminology with my Irish friends who are here on their J1 visas. They shared with me the term ‘shifting.’ Which means to ‘make out with’ or ‘French kissing.’ So then I traded them the marvelous F.B.!!!

I’m sure this wasn’t the first time these pale kids with cute accents have heard of ‘finger blasting,’ but I’m sure this is the first real-time that they had to really think about it. As their cognitive brains slowly processed the term and stored it in their memory banks, their faces showed their reaction: the girls cringed at its imagery of their own flowers getting blasted, while the guys giggled as they pictured a rapid penetration of someone they yearned for by their own hand-gun.

The reason why I believe ‘finger blasting’ is such an American word is because of the aggressiveness of the implied action. When you look at the terms ‘shifting’ or ‘French kissing,’ they just seem so elegant, peaceful, and so European. When you say ‘finger blasting,’ it’s American to take charge and impose one’s will. You’re not simply fingering BUTT!!! you’re also blasting! An act of passion that holds the key to open the door to sex has now become a barrage of angry SWAT members knocking down lush (and hopefully shaven) pink doors, guns a-blazing!

If you need another reason to giggle at the marvelous term ‘finger blasting,’ check out Amy Schumer’s skit that is posted above. I’m sure it will shock you (;P). I don’t even want to ruin the video for you by describing it. So. Funny!!! Now, if you even need more proof of how Americans have owned up to the term ‘finger blasting,’ Thought Catalog has compiled “Top 5 On-Screen Fingerblangs” by Kat George in popular American media. You’ll probably see some familiar faces there!

Also, if all this talk about finger blasting gets you in the mood to call over a Tinder date, then make sure you do it right. Here she is again; Kat George has another F.B. article on Vice about common finger-blasting mistakes. It holds tips such as- clipping your fingernails and ensuring you don’t blast your way past the clit. A good read for you rookie blasters out there who just got your gun licenses.

Welp, I hope you all get the idea of finger blasting. This post isn’t to encourage people to blast away in a dark nightclub or a dark movie theater; this post is to poke fun at the word and giggle inappropriately. I’m not a ‘finger blasting’ advocate trying to make the term into Webster’s. (Those fraternity days are behind me!) I just think F.B. is a funny word. If you decide to partake, make sure you finger blast intelligently; you don’t know when you’ll accidentally hurt someone or get kicked out of a Carnage pool party in Vegas for ‘finger blasting’ some random chick in the pool during EDC week. Those guns are meant to be used responsibly and behind closed doors!

Dance downstairs safely, Master Blasters.
Sype.