This is a recording I did with Capt Ahab, so the audio is a different pitch, and my rip-off graduation photo covers his image. I know it’s annoying but bear with me; it’s a good conversation. And I just learned from Google sensei that it’s bear and not bare since bare means to reveal, and to bear with someone means patience because of actual bears…..fun fact, I guess.
I mentioned this episode in ep #SAP EP09 us two and Salutationsgoodvibrations. Here we talk about identity, self-confidence, college parties, finding yourself, my love for anime and video games, and we even get to see a video of me in high school give my class a light show. We also talked a lot about “New Girl”. Like my other videos, I promise you that this will all make sense….kinda….just trust me.
If you have any stories about finding yourself or wanna share what this Bukowski quote means to you, leave a comment down below. AND!!! (I guess I’m going to have to start saying this even though it makes me cringe) if you like the video, please give me a thumbs up and a sub.
“That’s the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.” – Charles Bukowski
Timestamps
0:00:00 – Capt Ahab Reading the Bukowski Quote and Talking About College Parties
0:03:30 – Talking About “New Girl” and Finding Yourself Through Friendships/Relationships
0:12:22 – Learning Who You Are By Having Life Experiences
0:26:40 – Being True to Your Passion and Being More Open About Anime/Video Games
0:35:00 – Does a Person’s Fault Take Away From Their Achievements?
0:44:12 – Never Meet Your Heros, Shattering Your Image of People in Your Life
0:48:47 – You’re Always Growing as a Person, You Have to Fail to Find What You Want
0:56:08 – Smalltown Drama, Breaking Bro Code, and Letting Go of the Past
1:04:30 – Recapping the Episode. . .What Did We Even Talk About?
In this clip, I talk about how it was hard for me to open up in college due to my high school education insecurities. It was no secret that being a child of Asian immigrants, we don’t value arts and literature as highly as “practical” subjects. *cough* math, science, doctor *cough*
Growing up, I never read for fun. I only read when school forced me to write a paper. I only read what I needed to read that I couldn’t get off SparkNotes and the early days of Wikipedia. So, entering college, I did not have a deep connection with the arts and literature. This wasn’t much of a problem during my GE-fraternity-rave-party days. But when I declared Creative Writing as a major at San Francisco State University, I was at a huge disadvantage. Thus, making me very insecure with my opinions in my classes. I was not as well read as some of my writing peers.
Of course, being the immature person I was, I took this very personally and lashed out in my workshops and literary discourse. Instead of putting myself out there and trying to participate, I instead choose to try and play a stereotype, what those “hipster” kids in my classes probably thought of me. Yes, I know, I was stupid. But hey, we are always learning and growing, right?
Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy this clip about my painful journey into the arts. If you are also felt like college was intimidating let me know down below…or if you also wanna share your love for Seann William Scott or country music line dancing or WHATEVER!!!
*This video is a clip from #SAP EP09 “Going All The Way” by Charles Bukowski poem discussion with Cpt Ahab & Salutationsandgoodvibrations. So the audio is still distorted and Cpt Ahab picture was replaced. And yes, I know the thumbnail isn’t grammatically correct.
*This video is a clip from #SAP EP09 “Going All The Way” by Charles Bukowski poem discussion with Cpt Ahab & Salutationsandgoodvibrations. So the audio is still distorted and Cpt Ahab picture was replaced. And yes, I know the thumbnail isn’t grammatically correct.
In this clip, I’m talking about how I eventually decided on choosing Creative Writing as my major at San Francisco State University. Being a first-generation Asian American in your family to go to a four-year university and deciding to become a writer is not something any immigrant parents want to hear. But to be fair, I took three and a half years to pick a major after realizing that you can’t major in Partying with a minor in Beer Pong. So there was no chance in hell I was gonna be a doctor. . .or lawyer. . .or whatever stereotypical model minority career my parents wanted.
Imagine escaping Laos and Thailand during the Vietnam War just to see their firstborn pick a prospering career as a writer. But I guess at this point; I’m more of an entertainer…or clown…whichever.
Salutationsandgoodvibrations and I also talk about some of the challenges we had growing up in Visalia. And believe me, there were many. In my case, it was how I viewed education, arts, and literature. I didn’t read too much in my own free time since my parents put more of an emphasis on subjects that would traditionally generate more money.
My parents weren’t the only ones who thought the arts were unnecessary in the Asian college plan. The friends I grew up with also weren’t too keen on the idea of being books smarts. Instead, we goons focused more on street smarts, believing that arts and education weren’t meant for kids from the block. Luckily, we grew out of this hoodrat mentality as we grew older.
Lots of stuff to unpack here. You’ll hear about how we found our passions and the obstacles we jumped **cough** getting out of Visalia right after high school **cough** to pursue our dreams. Don’t worry; these painful anecdotes of self-discovery aren’t too cringy if you sprinkle some dark humor on the trauma.
If you want to share your story about being Asian, or Asian American, or just as someone who felt they let their parents down, feel free to comment below. Let’s share and wallow because misery loves company.
*This video is a clip from #SAP EP09 “Going All The Way” by Charles Bukowski poem discussion with Cpt Ahab & Salutationsandgoodvibrations. So the audio is still distorted and Cpt Ahab picture was replaced. And yes, I know the thumbnail isn’t grammatically correct.
Welcome back. I’m back home in Los Angeles, where I finally have time to put some finishing touches on a video to upload. In this episode, my friends Salutationsandgoodvibrations and Cpt Ahab are with me to talk about the poem “Going All The Way” by Charles Bukowski.
What does it mean to “go all the way”? How do you define success? Why do people be fronting on these social media sites and dating apps? These are the questions we will be discussing in this video. I don’t know if you will find a clear answer during your time with us, but I’m sure you’ll have a few good laughs.
Alongside these philosophical questions of pursuing your passions, I will also be discussing how I decided to major in Creative Writing at San Francisco State University. As well as briefly discussing how growing up in Visalia influenced my views on art and literature, how I disappointed my Asian parents about my career choice, and about how much I love Seann William Scott. Yes, the Stifmeister.
I apologize in advance if this video sounds like a conversation between a bunch of bored college kids. Well, I mean, what else are we gonna do during quarantine. Also, the audio’s pitch is a little high, and Ahab’s picture is covered by your friendly neighborhood Asian: me. This was intentional. So, yeah. Sorry about that, too.
But I hope you guys do enjoy the video. Feel free to comment below if you have something to say about the poem written by this German-American poet or if you just wanna share how you view success.
“Going All The Way” by Charles Bukowski
If you’re going to try, go all the way.
Otherwise, don’t even start.
If you’re going to try, go all the way.
This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and maybe even your mind.
It could mean not eating for three or four days.
It could mean freezing on a park bench.
It could mean jail.
It could mean derision, mockery, isolation.
Isolation is the gift.
All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it.
And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds.
And it will be better than anything else you can imagine.
If you’re going to try, go all the way.
There is no other feeling like that.
You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire.
DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. All the way
You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.
Timestamps
00:00 – Intro
00:29 – Cpt Ahab Starts Us Off By Reading The Bukowski Quote
01:18 – What Does “Going All The Way Means”?
05:00 – Pursuing Your Dreams And The Value Of An Creative Writing Degree
10:10 – You Have To Put In The Work To Get What You Want In Life
17:30 – Attempt Different Things To Define Your Own Version Of Success
20:57 – Disappointing My Asian Parents By Picking An English Major In College
28:38 – Growing Up In Visalia And How We Handled Education
36:25 – How Visalias’ Environment And Immigrant Cultural Influenced My View On Art
40:00 – Me Feeling Insecure About My Lack of Literature Knowledge At SFSU
41:27 – Me Telling My Playwriting Class My Favorite Actor Is Seann William Scott
46:47 – The Authetisicty Of Your Opinions VS What Everyone Else Thought Was Cool
50:18 – What Is Even Real On Social Media And Dating Apps? Just Be Yourself
57:53 – Line Dancing At The Saddle Rack and Saying Goodbye To Cpt Ahab
Sometimes we need a little help to keep from falling
Oh man, it has been a long time since I wrote something. Hi Hi, I want everyone to know that I am not dead; I just took some time off from doing anything creative to focus on my alcohol abuse. Wait, what I meant to say is that I took some time off to focus on myself. Honestly, it’s all just some grade-A millennial buulllllsheit.
I’m not going to lie, I have spent the past few months lollygagging around; there was a point in my life where I did not know where I was going or what I wanted to actually do. So like many people who are in the post-college-oh-shit-I’m-almost-30 slump, I got a job making tips so I can participate in what some may call “Life Experience.” AKA: drinking myself into oblivion and avoiding all adult responsibilities. Despite how much damage I put on my brain and liver, I still have a mind that will always (sometimes) want to make the “right” decisions. However, ingesting a bunch of booze can force your brain on a time-out, interfering with your conscious decision-making as you board the blackout train. For a random example (don’t look too much into it), making the choice of raging on a giant hill in Berkeley to drink alcohol and chase just-made-it-to-18-year-old-Irish girls a viable one for a soon-to-be-30-year-old-but-looks-23-cuz-he’s-Asian an easy one. Ahh, I can’t lie. That was me, sorry for fooling you. Stupid? Yes. But at that point in my life, I found it easier to deal with the I’m-too-old-for-this-shit hangover than to confront my future with a sober mind. Trust me, getting rejected from a girl whom you may never see again is better than getting rejected by life. The big thing I’ve noticed is that I am not alone. There are plenty of people like me who feel unmotivated, taking one step forward while taking two vodka shots back. If you don’t want to admit your similar circumstances, then we can just say it’s “your friend” (ehh, wink wink). People in my age group are down and feel as if they have lost their path in life. Being lost can mean a lot of different things. You don’t have to be broke and living with your parents to feel like you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. Look at me, I have a decent paying job that pays for self-destructive things that I do, I’m still alive, to say the least. Despite all of the positive factors in my (and probably yours) life, there’s still a lingering feeling of emptiness, a void in adulthood left unfulfilled. Why are my peers and I so messed up? Growing up, we were told that we could be anything and do anything, but yet some of us do nothing or, worst, can’t. Are the destructive lives and uncertain future of millennials a result of poor planning, were our pipe dreams too big? Did you really need to take a bong rip and blow off work for the new season of Stranger Things. Well, I don’t know the answer. But I do know one thing: It’s probably because we broke ass shit and our education is nothing more than a glorified party degree. Don’t just take my word for it. In Stephen Harrison piece “Start-Ups Aren’t Cool Anymore”, he explains how we millennials are fucked. “Underemployed Millennials simply could not build as they entered the workforce,” Harrison wrote. “Student debt worsened the underlying economic problems.” Our education was not providing the cash flow that we need to build a more Instagram perfect life. No money, mo problems. If the words of a Dallas writer doesn’t convince you how us born in the late ’80s got the short end of the stick, then let the American government tell you. In “Are Millennials Different?”, a study by Christopher Kurz, Geng Li and Daniel J Vine for the Federal Reserve, we basically are told that we are smarter, have different ideas in life because we’re racially diverse and are poor because the past generation handed us a shitty economy. They didn’t exactly say that (it was me who paraphrased it, shhh). “Millennials are more racially diverse, more educated, and . . . are less well off than members of earlier generations when they were young, with lower earnings, fewer assets, and less wealth. For debt, millennials hold levels similar to those of Generation X and more than those of the baby boomers. Conditional on their age and other factors, millennials do not appear to have preferences for consumption that differ significantly from those of earlier generations.” So, the people who are blaming us for the downfall of the economy are actually the ones who fucked it all up. Shame, shame, blame game. Now, what are we going to do about it? Honestly, we just have to play with the hand we’re dealt and not give up! Personally, I take one day at a time while planning for my future. Sure, the planning part might not be consistent, or it may be put on pause for a music festival, but you have to just live life. But, you gotta make sure that you’re still making small steps forward, even if it’s with one hangover at a time. Listen to some music, save money and take a vacation or watch a relatable TV show for a false sense of comfort. Take a drink and have fun on this adventure and try not to let the little stuff bring you down. It’s no big secret I love the show New Girl. To quickly sum up the show, it’s about a group of friends who are nearing the age of 30 trying to find their path in life.
His love for me is unbearable at times.
Sounds familiar? The show reminds us how surrounding yourself with positive friends and family can make this butterflying a more fun experience. You may be awkward and poor now but with help from the village, you can transform into a less poor and an even more awkward adult. It’s ok to be unhappy and it’s ok to be happy with your current self in “adulthood.” Don’t feel guilty for having fun now, but know that you can’t Peter Pan it forever. So, that’s what I’ve been up to, taking a turn onto Dazed and Confused road with everyone else. I’m not saying that I’m a changed man, I’m still that Asian boy who’s trying to find the right banana milkshake blend of Asian and American who continuously disappoints his hard-working Oriental parents. I am working on it and so are my fellow post-grad slummers. If all else fails, you and I can always become sugar babies (;P)
#SorryAsianParents 
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