#SorryAsianParents

A goofy kid just trying to make sense of the world while trying to be Asian American

Tag Archives: Asian Parents


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My Insecurities at SFSU and My Love For The Stifmeister – #SAP EP09 (Clip)

In this clip, I talk about how it was hard for me to open up in college due to my high school education insecurities. It was no secret that being a child of Asian immigrants, we don’t value arts and literature as highly as “practical” subjects. *cough* math, science, doctor *cough*

Growing up, I never read for fun. I only read when school forced me to write a paper. I only read what I needed to read that I couldn’t get off SparkNotes and the early days of Wikipedia. So, entering college, I did not have a deep connection with the arts and literature. This wasn’t much of a problem during my GE-fraternity-rave-party days. But when I declared Creative Writing as a major at San Francisco State University, I was at a huge disadvantage. Thus, making me very insecure with my opinions in my classes. I was not as well read as some of my writing peers.

Of course, being the immature person I was, I took this very personally and lashed out in my workshops and literary discourse. Instead of putting myself out there and trying to participate, I instead choose to try and play a stereotype, what those “hipster” kids in my classes probably thought of me. Yes, I know, I was stupid. But hey, we are always learning and growing, right?

Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy this clip about my painful journey into the arts. If you are also felt like college was intimidating let me know down below…or if you also wanna share your love for Seann William Scott or country music line dancing or WHATEVER!!!

*This video is a clip from #SAP EP09 “Going All The Way” by Charles Bukowski poem discussion with Cpt Ahab & Salutationsandgoodvibrations. So the audio is still distorted and Cpt Ahab picture was replaced. And yes, I know the thumbnail isn’t grammatically correct.

*This video is a clip from #SAP EP09 “Going All The Way” by Charles Bukowski poem discussion with Cpt Ahab & Salutationsandgoodvibrations. So the audio is still distorted and Cpt Ahab picture was replaced. And yes, I know the thumbnail isn’t grammatically correct.

 

#sorryasianparents EP09 link in bio or here:

Weebthusiast YouTube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiDfoqzX4A-Khlw7ODG_qTw

#sorryasianparents Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/sorryasianparents/

Salutationsandgoodvibrations Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/salutationsandgoodvibrations/

Weebthusiast Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/weebthusiast/

#sorryasianparents Blog:
https://www.sorryasianparents.com/


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Disappointing My Asian Parents With My English Degree and Not Doctor – #SAP EP09 (CLIP)

 

In this clip, I’m talking about how I eventually decided on choosing Creative Writing as my major at San Francisco State University. Being a first-generation Asian American in your family to go to a four-year university and deciding to become a writer is not something any immigrant parents want to hear. But to be fair, I took three and a half years to pick a major after realizing that you can’t major in Partying with a minor in Beer Pong. So there was no chance in hell I was gonna be a doctor. . .or lawyer. . .or whatever stereotypical model minority career my parents wanted.

Imagine escaping Laos and Thailand during the Vietnam War just to see their firstborn pick a prospering career as a writer. But I guess at this point; I’m more of an entertainer…or clown…whichever.

Salutationsandgoodvibrations and I also talk about some of the challenges we had growing up in Visalia. And believe me, there were many. In my case, it was how I viewed education, arts, and literature. I didn’t read too much in my own free time since my parents put more of an emphasis on subjects that would traditionally generate more money.

My parents weren’t the only ones who thought the arts were unnecessary in the Asian college plan. The friends I grew up with also weren’t too keen on the idea of being books smarts. Instead, we goons focused more on street smarts, believing that arts and education weren’t meant for kids from the block. Luckily, we grew out of this hoodrat mentality as we grew older.

Lots of stuff to unpack here. You’ll hear about how we found our passions and the obstacles we jumped **cough** getting out of Visalia right after high school **cough** to pursue our dreams. Don’t worry; these painful anecdotes of self-discovery aren’t too cringy if you sprinkle some dark humor on the trauma.

If you want to share your story about being Asian, or Asian American, or just as someone who felt they let their parents down, feel free to comment below. Let’s share and wallow because misery loves company.

*This video is a clip from #SAP EP09 “Going All The Way” by Charles Bukowski poem discussion with Cpt Ahab & Salutationsandgoodvibrations. So the audio is still distorted and Cpt Ahab picture was replaced. And yes, I know the thumbnail isn’t grammatically correct.

#sorryasianparents EP09 link in bio or here:

Weebthusiast YouTube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiDfoqzX4A-Khlw7ODG_qTw

#sorryasianparents Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/sorryasianparents/

Salutationsandgoodvibrations Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/salutationsandgoodvibrations/

Weebthusiast Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/weebthusiast/

#sorryasianparents Blog:
https://www.sorryasianparents.com/


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#sorryasianparents EP09 – Bukowski Quotes About Going 100 w Cpt Ahab & Salutationsandgoodvibrations

Hello, hello,

Welcome back. I’m back home in Los Angeles, where I finally have time to put some finishing touches on a video to upload. In this episode, my friends Salutationsandgoodvibrations and Cpt Ahab are with me to talk about the poem “Going All The Way” by Charles Bukowski.

What does it mean to “go all the way”? How do you define success? Why do people be fronting on these social media sites and dating apps? These are the questions we will be discussing in this video. I don’t know if you will find a clear answer during your time with us, but I’m sure you’ll have a few good laughs.

Alongside these philosophical questions of pursuing your passions, I will also be discussing how I decided to major in Creative Writing at San Francisco State University. As well as briefly discussing how growing up in Visalia influenced my views on art and literature, how I disappointed my Asian parents about my career choice, and about how much I love Seann William Scott. Yes, the Stifmeister.

I apologize in advance if this video sounds like a conversation between a bunch of bored college kids. Well, I mean, what else are we gonna do during quarantine. Also, the audio’s pitch is a little high, and Ahab’s picture is covered by your friendly neighborhood Asian: me. This was intentional. So, yeah. Sorry about that, too.

But I hope you guys do enjoy the video. Feel free to comment below if you have something to say about the poem written by this German-American poet or if you just wanna share how you view success.

“Going All The Way” by Charles Bukowski

If you’re going to try, go all the way.
Otherwise, don’t even start.
If you’re going to try, go all the way.
This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and maybe even your mind.
It could mean not eating for three or four days.
It could mean freezing on a park bench.
It could mean jail.
It could mean derision, mockery, isolation.
Isolation is the gift.
All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it.
And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds.
And it will be better than anything else you can imagine.
If you’re going to try, go all the way.
There is no other feeling like that.
You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire.
DO IT. DO IT. DO IT. All the way
You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It’s the only good fight there is.

Timestamps
00:00 – Intro
00:29 – Cpt Ahab Starts Us Off By Reading The Bukowski Quote
01:18 – What Does “Going All The Way Means”?
05:00 – Pursuing Your Dreams And The Value Of An Creative Writing Degree
10:10 – You Have To Put In The Work To Get What You Want In Life
17:30 – Attempt Different Things To Define Your Own Version Of Success
20:57 – Disappointing My Asian Parents By Picking An English Major In College
28:38 – Growing Up In Visalia And How We Handled Education
36:25 – How Visalias’ Environment And Immigrant Cultural Influenced My View On Art
40:00 – Me Feeling Insecure About My Lack of Literature Knowledge At SFSU
41:27 – Me Telling My Playwriting Class My Favorite Actor Is Seann William Scott
46:47 – The Authetisicty Of Your Opinions VS What Everyone Else Thought Was Cool
50:18 – What Is Even Real On Social Media And Dating Apps? Just Be Yourself
57:53 – Line Dancing At The Saddle Rack and Saying Goodbye To Cpt Ahab

Weebthusiast YouTube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiDfoqzX4A-Khlw7ODG_qTw

#sorryasianparents Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/sorryasianparents/

Salutationsandgoodvibrations Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/salutationsandgoodvibrations/

Weebthusiast Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/weebthusiast/

#sorryasianparents Blog:
https://www.sorryasianparents.com/

Yeah, I screenshot this. I stand by what I did.


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No Fadah, Moe Problams

This past Christmas, my father spent the festive night getting his gallbladder removed at Kawiia Delta Hospital. Despite being about ten or so years older than Baby Yoda, his health is not the ass-beating Asian father of nine he once was. I remember seeing my father stumble towards the front door the night before Krampus came for his inside cookies. I was sleeping in the living room when I woke up at 4 am to a thumping sound. Thinking it was my brother who was still drunk from a holiday party he and I attended a few hours before, I got up and yelled, “What the fuck you still doing up?” To my surprise, I saw it was my father, pressed against the wall. Between heavy breaths, he told me he was in pain and was making his way outside to meet my sister, who was taking him to the hospital.

I rushed to my father’s aid, escorting him outside by the arm. The early morning was cold as balls. I could feel my father shivering as we carefully made our way down the rain-drenched driveway. When I opened the car door, my father immediately sunk his body into the passenger seat. His eyes were closed, one arm clutching his stomach as the other found its place on the “Oh Shit” handle above the door. Seeing the man, who I thought was the toughest SOB growing up, in pain woke me up to a possible future where my father would die thinking I am a failure.

Growing up, my father was hard on me. Not to sound like the stereotype, but my father is the “typical Asian dad.” Like most Tiger Dads, he yelled at me when my grades fell below A’s (because B is for bitch); instead of getting grounded, I would get my ass beat; and, of course, he wanted me to become *enter my bad impersonation* doctor. He had a plan . . . until I (his firstborn son who had the opportunity to be the first of the family to attend a 4-year university) told him, “fuck all that.”

My parents and I at my SFSU graduation

Of course, I gradually disappointed my father with a soft lie of wanting to become a teacher. If I dropped the news like napalm, he would have had a heart attack from all the shame.

Even if my father wanted to voice his concerns for my questionable career choice, it would have been difficult because of our cultural differences. Typically, an Asian American son would know how his Asian father was feeling from the strength of his backhand. (JK…Kinda) Our relationship was(is) no different. So you can see why I avoided those father-son chats; my ugly face can’t take high-fives anymore. But when we did have our chats, the conversation would usually end with “You could do better,” or “Stop fucking up, dumbass.”

Looking back at it now, it’s probably not what my father intended for me to feel. He was trying to raise me how he knew best, learning from his father before him. But, needless to say, the constant fear of disappointing him put a lot of pressure on me.

Eventually, I stood up to my father and told him how I really felt (like them white kids on ABC Family). Haha PSYCH, no fucking way. I listened to my Asian side and ran away from my feelings, limiting my communication with him and avoided any conversations about my future.

Once my father got the hint, he started backing off. Then my twenties took OFF! Without having to worry about being the perfect Asian son, I was free from the guilt as I frolicked aboutsss in college. All it cost me was a healthy relationship with the man whose sack I swam from.

When you are young, you’re stupid. For real, think about being in your early 20’s and in college. I didn’t give a fuck about another person’s opinion, nor did I care about being some “model minority.” I was living the American Dream, baby. My ego had a BBC, and it was just swingin’ it in the air.

But all of that big dick energy went away on Christmas as I reverted back to a prepubescent teen who was afraid of disappointing his dad.

It’s a shame that it took an exploding gallbladder to make me realize how much of a child I’ve been, a thirty-year-old man-child who thought he could put a pause on time until he was ready to become an adult. But time doesn’t wait for anyone (unless you’re hella rich, then you can do whatever you want). Growing up isn’t a choice for me anymore; it’s a sobering reality.

Facing my father’s morality made me reflect on what I want for my future. I can’t change who I am and all the choices I’ve made in my life. And though I don’t want to be a bad Asian boy anymore, I cannot deny my hopes and dreams as an individual. I suppose, now, all I can hope for is to use the remaining time to make my dad proud by my standards. Or at least pay off my student loans. Come on, Liberal Arts Degree! Digivolve into a money-making machine!

#SorryAsianParents

PS, I know I’m not alone when it comes to immigrant children and daddy/mommy issues. Good luck to those out there who are going through the same struggles of finding your own identity.